What It’s Like To Be A Divorcee Who Was Cheated On

[caption id="attachment_836629" align="alignleft" width="1068"] Bigstockphoto.com/Indoor studio shot of angry young dark-skinned housewife in casual clothes standing in closed posture keeping arms folded mad at her drunk husband. Unhappy woman feeling insulted or offended[/caption] Life after divorce can be dizzying, odd and surreal even if you and your ex split amicably, didn’t go through a nasty settlement case and are still friends today. Once you go through a divorce, you’re never just a single woman again—you’ll forever be a divorcee. That comes with its own implications and “Woah” moments. For some reason, if people date for ten years and break up it just isn’t as much of a thing as two people being married for ten years and divorcing. But in addition to the annoying pity and judgment you already get as a divorcee, you’ll experience another level of weirdness if your ex was unfaithful, and the world knows it. Here’s what it’s like to be a divorcee who was cheated on. [caption id="attachment_626814" align="alignleft" width="500"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Your friends will suggest support groups

The world can view divorcees who suffered infidelity as another category of a grief group. Your friends might slip you brochures for local support groups, specifically aimed at divorcees who were cheated on. You’ll find yourself thinking, “I don’t want to talk to a bunch of strangers—I want to talk to you guys! My friends!” You’ll tuck the brochure away for now, but eventually, you may realize there are parts of your experience your friends simply cannot understand, and maybe the support group is worth checking out. . [caption id="attachment_707265" align="alignleft" width="600"] Shutterstock[/caption]

The pity can be unbearable

Sometimes, the degree to which the world pities you can be unbearable. Your neighbors can’t even say good morning to you without that sad, sing-songy voice with subtexts of, “Hang in there buddy. I’m here for ya.” Ah! You just want to get the mail and walk your dog. You feel like someone painted a giant D for Divorce on your front door.     . [caption id="attachment_625047" align="alignleft" width="427"] Corbis[/caption]

The self-pity can be unbearable

One reason your friends don’t realize you can’t handle their pity is because you give yourself enough pity. You’re already consumed with thoughts of, “Why me?” and “This is literally the worst thing that could happen.” But you are trying to put up a strong façade, and it would really help if your friends and family would at least pretend to believe it. You can’t quite fake it ‘til you make it in the happiness game if everyone around you keeps pointing out that you’re faking it.         . [caption id="attachment_720794" align="alignleft" width="420"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Men treat you like you’re fragile

Men, from your male friends to your coworkers and your friends’ husbands, treat you completely different than how they used to. Your male friends and acquaintances who you used to be able to count on for some tough love and inappropriate jokes are now acting like you’re some wounded puppy. You see them warning other men away from you, giving that protective glare at men checking you out like, “Don’t mess with her or you’ll have to mess with me.”           . [caption id="attachment_745107" align="alignleft" width="600"] shutterstock_[/caption]

People get angry for you (at the ex)

In an attempt to show support, some people will get angry at your ex, for you. Their behavior could range from just bad mouthing him around you, to actually showing up at his house and egging his car. You wind up having to tell them to cool it and be nice to your ex, which you honestly don’t have the energy for in the middle of all the self-pitying. . [caption id="attachment_704626" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

People often go silent when you walk in

You get really tired of meeting up with your friends for lunch, walking in a little late, and finding that everyone stops the conversation the second you arrive. You know they were talking about you. You know they were scheming over what to do about you—how to help you. You’ve become your friends’ project more than their friend.           . [caption id="attachment_710276" align="alignleft" width="426"] Shutterstock[/caption]

You wonder if you can ever date again

That marriage—that was it. That was all you have. You gave all of yourself to it. Sometimes you wonder if your tanks will ever be refilled again—your tanks of energy, hope, affection, trust, excitement, love…If your marriage were an investment, you may have blown all your savings on it and it just tanked.           . [caption id="attachment_626517" align="alignleft" width="427"] Corbis[/caption]

You have moments of clarity

Your therapy is paying off, and you have moments of clarity where you understand that not all men are like your ex. You see clearly where and when your marriage broke down. You know that you now have the insight to recognize problems before they occur. You feel strong. You feel like maybe you can date again, and you won’t drag your baggage with you.             . [caption id="attachment_701574" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Some people blame you

Some people ask you what you did to drive your ex to cheating. Some friends are a bit subtler, but they ask you things like, “What do you think you’d do differently next time, if you got married again?” The implication that you caused the cheating is infuriating. You know you weren’t fault-less in your marriage, but you also know that some people deal with discontent by cheating, and some don’t. You did not make your partner a cheater. You may have made him unhappy, but you didn’t make him unfaithful.         . [caption id="attachment_706777" align="alignleft" width="420"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Some men assume you’ll be paranoid

Some of the men you date, once they know you were cheated on, may assume you’ll have trust issues and project those assumptions onto everything you do. So if they have to take a phone call during dinner and you simply ask, “Who was that?” they think you’re spiraling out of control into a jealous, paranoid fit.           . [caption id="attachment_687835" align="alignleft" width="420"] Corbis[/caption]

Sometimes, you are paranoid

Admittedly, sometimes you are paranoid. You find yourself feeling completely safe and calm with a date, but then you realize that you felt that way most of the time with your ex—who, it turns out, was cheating. You wonder how you can trust your own feelings anymore.               . [caption id="attachment_704580" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Dates will tell you your ex was an idiot

Some men, once they know you were cheated on, will take it upon themselves to tell you that your partner was an idiot, to tell you you’re very desirable, and to list all the reasons any man should be lucky to be with you. It’s uncomfortable, and a bit creepy.             . [caption id="attachment_705330" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Some men want to save you

You find a lot of men who want to save you—men who believe you are sad, pathetic and broken and that only they can lift you up and resuscitate you. They pay you too much attention, check in too often and—quite frankly—want to move a little too fast.               . [caption id="attachment_719117" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Your friends keep planning things

Your friends think you need a distraction, so they keep coming up with plans for girls trips, wine tasting outings, painting classes and the like. They claim they “Just came across this flyer by chance!” but you know they spend a lot of time researching activities just for you.               . [caption id="attachment_624838" align="alignleft" width="505"] Corbis[/caption]

Your friends don’t talk about their marriages

If you didn’t know any better, you’d think all of your friends were suddenly single because they don’t mention their husbands at all. This is because they worry that talking about married life will upset you. All friends worry about this around their divorced friends, but it is particularly true when the divorced friend was cheated on.

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