About 12 years ago, an older cousin gave me some unsolicited advice. She said, “Make sure you travel before you ever get married.” I was 23 years old at the time, and although I was seriously dating my ex-boyfriend, I was not really thinking about marriage.
In response to her counsel, I gave a smirk and said, “Ok” as if I agreed. I could only assume, since I didn’t probe, that she was basically saying trying to travel whether alone or with friends after saying “I do” is a no-no. I should have responded with the question of “So, why can’t I travel after I jump the broom?” but that would have led to a bigger discussion than I had the energy for at the time.
When I was single, I never planned to cut out things in my life that I truly enjoyed, including traveling. When I was dating my husband, the topic of traveling came up (I actually had “he has to like traveling” under the “needs” section of my dating list). At that time, we discussed places that we’d visited and wanted to venture off to in the future.
Even though we weren’t engaged yet, I saw him as a person I could marry so this topic was of some importance to me. I remember naming off Switzerland as a place I wanted to visit and he quickly told me that he didn’t. Now, up to that point, we wanted to visit the same countries. When I asked him why he wasn’t interested in Switzerland, he briefly stated that he didn’t see the need to go unless there was a big event happening.
A conversation that was going well quickly went south as I kept probing to find out why he just simply didn’t want to travel to various countries for the sake of traveling. I came to the conclusion that he was the type of person who needed a reason to travel because he wasn’t one to have wanderlust. It was a little disappointing, but it wasn’t enough of a red flag to make a big deal out of it.
Eventually, I let it go and we got married the next year. We’ve been married for almost four years and his mentality on traveling remains the same, which means I’ll be traveling without him to some destinations. I’m okay with that. Thankfully, he’s also okay with that.
Just as my husband has traveled with his friends, I have and plan to do the same with my own circle of friends. Keeping our understanding in mind, I never could comprehend when people, or mainly women, assumed that their man would rather they not travel if they’re not traveling together. I think it’s based on the particular relationship and how important one’s consistent presence is to it, but there are a few benefits to traveling without your spouse — aside from the obvious.
For instance, whether you travel alone or with friends, leaving your husband behind on a trip, especially if you have children, will allow you to reconnect with who you were before marriage and family. It also gives you an opportunity to explore the world through a different lens.
And while I love spending time with my husband, it’s great when one of us travels as it gives us time to miss each other. Just because you are married doesn’t mean that you’re joined at the hip. Maintain the individual interests that you two might have. Allow yourselves the opportunity to miss each other by leaving for a certain amount of time and coming back refreshed. I believe this can contribute a great deal to keeping the marriage alive.
Maybe my cousin didn’t believe that a woman should travel after getting married. Maybe she was dating someone who didn’t think it was a good idea. But my advice for married women, and even single women, is that if you are a traveler, it’s not something you should give up on for marriage. Make sure your partner is on board with your desires and complements them, because while you can try and quell it, the desire to go on your own voyages and see new sights and sounds never goes away.
Images via Bigstock
The post I’m More Than Okay With Traveling Without My Husband appeared first on MadameNoire.