Things You Value Less In A Partner As You Get Older

[caption id="attachment_829907" align="alignleft" width="1068"] Bigstockphoto.com/Young African American couple sitting in living room on couch enjoying time together[/caption] Most people think of “the one who got away” as someone you had a passionate, intense fling with. But, as you get a bit older, you probably have several ones who got away. You never even kissed let alone slept with half of them, but when you look back, you can see now that you wrote them off for some pretty dumb reasons and you can recognize, in retrospect, that they had qualities you are seeking high and low for in a man today. But our priorities are a bit messed up in our 20s (and even still in the early 30s for some). We don’t quite yet realize how tough life can be, how long life can be (if we’re lucky), and how deceiving appearances can be. So here they are: things you value less in a partner, as you get older (and what replaces them).   [caption id="attachment_711612" align="alignleft" width="420"] Shutterstock[/caption]

A college education

Man, you used to be one judgmental little snob, huh? Remember the days when guys who didn’t go to college seemed like they were from a different planet? If you dated one (brief as that may be) you felt like his lack of a college education was a huge dunce hat on his head everyone could see. You’d whisper it to your friends, “He’s nice but he didn’t go to college.”       [caption id="attachment_702843" align="alignleft" width="419"] Shutterstock[/caption]

What matters now

By the time you hit your mid-30s, nobody talks about college, nobody remembers where anybody went to college, and most people have a job that has nothing to do with what they studied. Furthermore, too many guys have no work ethic because they thought their diploma would open doors for them. You want a guy who expects no favors, and depends on nothing but his life-knowledge and dedication to get him places.     [caption id="attachment_617341" align="alignleft" width="420"] Shutterstock[/caption]

A very high sex drive

If you and your boo didn’t have sex for one night in your 20s, you scheduled a conference call with your best friends. You’d divulge every detail of the night, trying to solve the mystery of the (gasp!) sex-less encounter. You really felt insecure if you didn’t do it every night.         [caption id="attachment_611720" align="alignleft" width="500"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

What matters now

Since you now know just how thoroughly awesome and complex you are, and how much more you have to offer than your looks and body, you are only satisfied by a man who also acknowledges and praises all of that. You can “get off” on a man who realizes what an amazing mind you have, and says it every day. Plus, sex a couple times a week. [caption id="attachment_705381" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Height

You nearly maxed out your credit card buying every pair of flat shoes in town the summer you dated a man who was (god forbid) one inch shorter than you. You found yourself sitting down next to him at parties, hoping nobody noticed the height difference.             [caption id="attachment_704421" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

What matters now

Look around: three friends have husbands with enormous guts and all of your friends have boyfriends with receding hairlines. And they’re all happy. A little height difference is nothing when you’re considering who to spend your life with.           [caption id="attachment_609764" align="alignleft" width="445"] Shutterstock[/caption]

A great body

Speaking of guts, you used to have a zero tolerance policy on those. If a guy had a gut, he was practically invisible to you. When you arrived at a pool party, you looked around for the six-pack abs, and that was the group of men you were willing to get to know.         [caption id="attachment_697524" align="alignleft" width="468"] Image: Shutterstock[/caption]

What matters now

Honestly, you’re just hoping to find someone who will love you in spite of the fact that you—my friend—are developing a little gut of your own.               [caption id="attachment_718323" align="alignleft" width="415"] Shutterstock[/caption]

A macho attitude

Remember how unattractive it was if, back in the day, a guy stepped to your date and he didn’t do anything about it? You could feel your va-jay-jay dry up. You needed to be with a guy who asserted himself everywhere he went.           [caption id="attachment_704131" align="alignleft" width="524"] Shutterstock[/caption]

What matters now

You now see a macho attitude as a giant cover-up for deep-seated insecurities (and usually a small penis). You see a man who can keep his cool in tense situations as mature and confident. [caption id="attachment_714219" align="alignleft" width="500"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Somebody your friends would date

It used to mean so much to you that your friends not only approved of your man, but also had a little crush on him. You needed 10 out of 10 friends to say, “I’d hit that.” If you only got 9 out of 10, you’d stay up at night wondering why that one friend wasn’t attracted to your boo.   [caption id="attachment_703765" align="alignleft" width="420"] Shutterstock[/caption]

What matters now

All that matters is that you find him attractive and lovable. You’ve come to learn just how rare that combination is so you’re not going to make life even more complicated by requiring your friends to find him attractive.           [caption id="attachment_719252" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

A sense of fashion

You used to write a man off if he wore his jeans the wrong way or had a passé hair cut. You and your friends would even describe guys as, “The one who still wears collared shirts.”             [caption id="attachment_610905" align="alignleft" width="420"] Corbis[/caption]

What matters now

Ugh. You don’t even have time to stay on-trend. You and the men you date are all wearing the same things you’ve been wearing since your late 20s and you see nothing wrong with it. You’re blissfully blind to the 20-somethings now teasing your passé haircut. Why? Because you and your man find one another adorable.         [caption id="attachment_702085" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Somebody who fits in

If your partner couldn’t fit in in any situation, become the life of every party, the center of every attention and the most-liked guy in the room, you just couldn’t handle it. You’d scold him in the car for not making an effort to fit in.         [caption id="attachment_607568" align="alignleft" width="500"] Credit: Shutterstock[/caption]

What matters now

All that matters if that the person you’re with is comfortable with who they are. In fact, a man who doesn’t give a damn what others think about him is the hottest man to you.             [caption id="attachment_707166" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Power

You used to faint a little in the presence of a powerful man. Whether he was wealthy or had a slight celebrity status, you were all over that. You pushed any guy you dated to acquire more power, even if they insisted they were happy where they were.         [caption id="attachment_702075" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

What matters now

Here’s what you know: there’s nothing inherently wrong with power. But if a man makes it known he has power (through what he says, what he wears, how he behaves) he is inherently a bit of a dick.             [caption id="attachment_611228" align="alignleft" width="420"] Corbis[/caption]

Intensity/passion

You used to stand on your little soap box every day and want to debate the social issues brought up in your critical thinking lecture that day. You wanted a boyfriend who would stay up for hours, debating with you.             [caption id="attachment_616487" align="alignleft" width="467"] Corbis Images[/caption]

What matters now

That was when you had no real problems. You had to create dramatic discussions because your life was a breeze. Now, you realize that life is full of issues—whether you want it to be or not—every day, and you like someone you can relax with.

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