The Funny Realities Of Realizing All Your Friends Have Kids

[caption id="attachment_829694" align="alignleft" width="1068"] Bigstockphoto.com/Shot of african american woman working while the daughter is drawing at home.[/caption] When all of your friends start to have children, life changes for you, too. (Of course, your friends would be pretty annoyed if they heard you say that since, comparatively, they are the ones going through the biggest changes). But this is a safe space where you can admit it; you need a little support too when everyone around you is procreating, even if you’re still just taking care of yourself and your plant. Unfortunately, you usually only realize how much life is changing when you make some embarrassing mistakes around your parent-friends. Hey—nobody told you what the new rules are. You’re stuck figuring them out for yourself. You usually discover those rules by first breaking them. Here are funny realities of realizing all your friends have kids. [caption id="attachment_706179" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Easy on the good old days stories

You can’t just bust out the story of the time you guys went skinny dipping in a frat house’s pool or made out with each other in front of a bouncer to get free admittance into a night club. Kids are always within earshot.           [caption id="attachment_626593" align="alignleft" width="500"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

You can’t bring elicit substances over

It used to be okay if one person was into one substance and the other wasn’t; everybody in the house was a responsible adult capable of making their own decisions. But now there are kids in the house who could stumble upon said substance, and you’re a monster if you bring it over.   [caption id="attachment_708496" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

You may need to hide your tattoo

Because you don’t want to be the reason your friend’s 11-year-old daughter wants a tattoo. And if she sees yours and mommy says she can’t have one, she’ll say, “But your friend has one!”             [caption id="attachment_716000" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

You can’t bring your new boo over

Kids love making it really awkward between you and the guys you’re dating. If you bring a new boo around your friend with kids, her little munchkins will start with the line of interrogation like, “Are you guys gonna get married? Do you love each other?”         [caption id="attachment_617897" align="alignleft" width="451"] Shutterstock[/caption]

You need to label x-rated gifts

If you’re going to give your friend an x-rated gift for her and her honey to enjoy in the bedroom, you have to tell her to unwrap that one later. She can’t very well unwrap it at her birthday dinner in front of her five-year-old.           [caption id="attachment_721355" align="alignleft" width="420"] Shutterstock[/caption]

You really cannot call at 2 am

Your friend used to get a little annoyed if you called her drunk at 2 am, but now she will release her full wrath on you because not only did you wake her up, but you also woke up her now screaming baby.             [caption id="attachment_712175" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Planning anything is complicated

By the time your friend has found a babysitter and gotten the green light from their partner who promises to be home by the time the babysitter needs to leave, you’re not even in the mood to go to the movie.           [caption id="attachment_620621" align="alignleft" width="425"] Corbis[/caption]

Your hookup stories feel silly

It’s just not the same telling your friend about the funny hookup you had with the guy who works part time at the Pirates of the Caribbean-themed bar when she has a baby hanging off of her boob. It feels inappropriate.           [caption id="attachment_699584" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Your hookup stories are insensitive

You also just feel bad talking about your hookup stories because your mom-friend isn’t getting any! And she probably won’t be for a while.             [caption id="attachment_710708" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Every party is a kid party

When you’re invited to a party, you show up in your party clothes (which show a little cleavage, you will admit) and holding a six-pack. But a little kid answers the door.           [caption id="attachment_704916" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Your friend is only half-listening

And half making sure her child is drawing with the crayons the restaurant supplied and not eating them.               [caption id="attachment_708586" align="alignleft" width="420"] Shutterstock[/caption]

The playground becomes your coffee date

If you want to catch up with your friend, you basically have to meet her at her new stomping grounds, which include the playground and jamboree.             [caption id="attachment_710709" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

You have to babysit sometimes

If you don’t do it you’ll be the only friend who doesn’t and everybody will look down on you. Whether you signed up for it or not, you have mandatory kid duty every couple of months now.           [caption id="attachment_701334" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]  

You see what real exhaustion is

You thought you were tired because you had to get up at 6 am for an early meeting, but your friend gets up at midnight, 3 am and 6 am to feed her baby. So you aren’t allowed to talk about how tired you are.           [caption id="attachment_710392" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

You’re out of the club

The parent club, where everybody knows what everybody is talking about except for you. You want to offer your friend advice and support, but you know you can’t do it as well as another parent can.

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